The short version: a blog for people considering working at Hess in Taiwan

Update May 2010- wow it's been a year since I wrote this blog. A couple of quick things, then I think I'll probably never log in here again-
1) Apparently Hess pissed someone off even more than they pissed me off. Here is their website: http://www.hesstaiwan.com/
2) Really you ought to read these links to get an idea of some of the 'special' things you'll be doing as an English teacher for Hess: special events, school promotions and performances
3)I know I make a big deal about how they didn't transport my surfboard with me. Yikes, I get it, maybe I'm being a little silly. But I think the most important point to this story is HOW THEY DEALT WITH IT. Brushing me off, lying to me, etc. You may not have a surfboard, so you might think, this won't be a problem for me--- but chances are, you will be lied to. And that's the point. Otherwise, I wouldn't have spent hours of my precious time writing this blog. There are a lot of terrible companies out there-- but how many flat out lie to your face? None that I've worked for before...
4) Quick update--- I LOVE MY LIFE IN TAIWAN!!!! I'm still here, and have no plans to leave. Ever since I quit Hess I've been so happy. I LOVE MY NEW JOB!!! I was just offered a contract for a second year at my new school and gladly accepted. I think I've been on the phone ONCE with my manager about an issue and that was a paycheck issue. I've had zero complaints, my students love me, and I'm a happy camper. Don't waste your experience here being overworked. This is an amazing place. Right now, I'm living on 13 hours of work a week. I deny myself nothing as far as money goes- 13 hours is plenty in Taiwan and if you want to save more, work more. There's no reason to come here and work six days a week and be stressed out. Even my friends who technically 'like' hess complain that they have zero free time.
In the end, I have no regrets cause Hess got me here to Taiwan.
Anyways, this is ms. beware the hippo, May 3rd, 2010, and I am outta here!

BAck to the original blog...
K so this blog is already super long and I haven't even gotten past my first week at Hess yet- and I'm supposed to talk about 10 months?
If you don't have 10 hours to read this whole damn thing, here's the sixty second version (you remember those commercials, I think it was blockbuster that aired them in the states- "such and such movie in 60 seconds" I loved those commercials- anyways here goes.)

Due to an unfortunate series of events which caused a major lack of funds, I ended up signing on to work at Hess language schools in Taiwan. The day to day teaching was rewarding because of the children, but working for Hess was tough, especially because of special events, school promotions and performances.

During training in Taipei(which was informative yet annoying) I found out that I was not going to get the contract I wanted(contract C, two kindergarten classes) and that instead I would be working split shifts, beginning at 8:30 am and ending at 8:30 pm, and teaching classes I did not want to teach. (CRAP!)
I refused to sign the contract but said I would try out the new schedule anyways. The schedule was actually worse than I had imagined.
At the end of training I got another surprise which was that Hess had made no arrangements to transport my surfboard with me to my new home even though they had repeatedly promised that they would do it. When I became suspicious and asked about it they told me to stop worrying - if they would have just told me the truth (that they weren't planning to transport it) then I could have made my own arrangements. (BASTARDS!)

Arriving at the branch I discovered that the job which paid 'hourly' required you to work way above and beyond your paid hours- and that my two co-workers were working 12-14 hour days and only getting paid for 6 of those hours. (MOTHER #*^&@%!!!!)
I refused to work so many extra hours but soon found that the only people who suffered when I didn't do the extra work were my underpaid co-teachers and the children- so I ended up working hundreds of unpaid hours for Hess. (WELL SHOOT MY BOOT, WHAT A CRAPPY SITUATION!)
After 10 months of increasingly ridiculous work situations, I finally left Hess (but not until after they threatened to take 20,000nt from me, told me I'd have to leave the country, neither of which happened). And now I am much happier- the end.
Oh and by the way there are of course good things about Hess- it's just a pretty raw deal for the teachers. I write more about the positive things at Hess in my long version.
Anyways, don't take my word for it, read feedback from other Hess teachers to get a broader picture- and any Hess teachers reading this, please feel free to leave a comment.OTHER TEACHERS FEEDBACK
If you want details, keep reading. I do get pretty long-winded though- I figure this is cheaper than therapy =)
As you can see some of the words in this post are links to other pages- I tried to link anything especially informative or mildly amusing. Might be better to click on those words rather than read this long rant which is only useful to myself because of it's therapeutic value, or possibly as feedback for Hess Educational Organization, if they care for that sort of thing.
For the sake of reading ease, this blog is kind of written backward- meaning the beginning posts are at the top, and if you want to continue reading, you have to click on 'older posts'.
xie xie and good luck with your Taiwan adventures! It's a wonderful country =)

I want to add some links about 'advice about coming to Taiwan' cause I know that's what a lot of people are really after. Here's some experiences and advice on various things. Of course, individual experiences will vary and this is based on my own experiences. Things are probably very different in Taipei than in Yilan (where I live). If you have lived in Taiwan, please feel free to leave your own experiences in the comments section. Please also feel free to be respectful - doesn't everyone find those fights in forums and on Youtube pretty stupid? Anyways, here goes:
getting your health check for a work visa
food in Taiwan
surfing in Taiwan
people in Taiwan
dating in Taiwan
Hess's 20,000 Training Reimbursement Fee
Changing jobs in Taiwan/Visa Extension/Quitting Hess early and changing jobs
And finally, if you just want to know about non-work related Taiwan, you can check out my personal blog for lots of pics and videos.

This is a blog for people who are considering working at Hess Educational Organization in Taiwan or Singapore or wherever else Hess is now located.

My last day as an teacher at Hess Educational Organization was last Wednesday. Of course I bawled when I left my kindergarten class. It's impossible not to love those kids after working with them for 10 months. I'll miss them so much.

But even though I had a great experience working with those kids, these last 10 months of working for Hess have not been great.
I'm writing this blog because I know that even now there are people searching "Hess, Taiwan, Teach English" and they're not getting the full story. "Hess Sucks" is not completely accurate- there are some good things about Hess. But their website isn't completely accurate either.

A lot of people work at Hess for a long time, and it has been a wonderful thing in their lives.

Then there are people like me who have a less than pleasant experience.
It all depends on your personality and what you can or cannot put up with. I write this in hopes that someone like me will recognize the things that they can't put up with and look for employment elsewhere, so they don't look back on their first 10, or 12, or 6 months in Taiwan and say "God that sucked." or even worse, go home early and miss out on Taiwan. Taiwan is amazing.
Also, if someone reads this and says, Hey, Hess doesn't sound half bad, it sounds like it might be for me- then I hope they do sign with Hess. It is steady employment, you will probably get paid on time, you get training, and they do help you get settled in Taiwan.

I will try to be as even-handed about this as I can, but obviously I'm not really pro-Hess. I'll just tell my story as accurately as I can.

For a shorter version of my story and some links that might answer your questions, please click here.

Why Taiwan? and why Hess?

In my last year of college, I made a goal to live on every continent for at least 6 months before I turned 30.
I did my research and Taiwan seemed like a great starting place- low cost of living and relatively high pay for an English teacher just starting out.

So I came over here with the goal of creating a certain lifestyle for myself.
*I wanted to live close enough to walk to the beach and surf.
*I wanted a lot of free time so I could surf and write.
*I wanted to be able to cover all of my bills and maybe save a little.
*I did my calculations and decided that this was possible if I could work part time (even 15 hours a week) and live very very cheaply.

Does that sound too good to be true? It isn't! This is what I'm doing now.
But it took me 10 months to get the lifestyle I wanted because I started out working for Hess.

If you're interested in teaching in Taiwan than maybe you're familiar with Hess's contracts:
contract A (working just buxiban classes at night)
contract B (working kindy and buxiban)
and contract C (working full time kindy, starting at 8:30 am and ending at 4:00pm, with a break from 1130 to 2 while the kids nap.)

I decided that Contract C would be best for me, because I thought I'd surf in the morning before work, then on the long break (2 and a half hours) I'd write or study Chinese. Then I thought I'd go home around 4:30 and have the rest of the evening to write, study chinese, maybe fit in an evening surf, etc.

Now there are some experienced teachers out there who are reading this and laughing. What about lesson planning? Grading homework? Correcting tests?
And people who've taught children in Taiwan are probably laughing even harder. What about communication books? Performances? Crafts?
And people who've taught children in Taiwan at Hess are laughing hardest of all. There's a reason for that.

I ended up working for Hess because I tested positive on a tuberculosis skin test. This happened 3 months before I moved to Taiwan. Until I got a lung xray back proving that I couldn't pass on the highly contagious disease, I wasn't allowed to work (at the time I was working with teenagers)
It meant I was out US$4000.
My original plan was to go to Taiwan and find my own job- I'd read on peoples blogs and forums that this was the best way to go. But $4000 extra dollars were key to that plan (especially because I'd be traveling with a surfboard, which can be expensive to lug around).
I realized I'd need to go to Taiwan and start a job immediately- and Hess had a 30,000 nt interest free start up loan (about $900 US).

There was a lot of negative info on Hess in forums and blogs, but I decided beggars can't be choosers and my lack of money made me a beggar. I was ready to go to Taiwan- I didn't want to wait another couple of months to save up the money. (spoiler alert! I should have stayed in the states and saved up more money and not taken the job with Hess!)

Anyways, here's why I thought I would be safe at Hess:

Hess paid by the HOUR, not salary. In my mind, this meant that I was responsible for a certain amount of hours and then I could go home. I consciously chose a company that paid by the HOUR so they couldn't take advantage of me and my extra time with out compensating me.

Hess also provides lesson plans. Their contract requires that you show up 20 (unpaid) minutes early for each class. This seemed like a lot to me (working at least 40 minutes unpaid a day- geez!!!) but I decided that was okay, and would be better than planning my own lessons which would surely take longer than 20 minutes.

Also I chose contract C, (2 kindergarten classes) for a reason- no homework, no tests, and no real hard grammar work or anything. Plus dang it I love kids and they love me!!!!

I sincerely believed that I could be a good teacher to these children and only spend the required hours at Hess. Meaning the 4 and a half hours a day I was paid for, and the 40 minutes of unpaid preparation time that I agreed to come in for.

I was wrong. I was so dead wrong. I was so, dreadfully, horribly, unforgivably, painfully wrong.

In the Beginning.....there were emails and phonecalls.

I was reasonably sure that if I contacted Hess I would get a job with them. I had worked with children since I was 19 and I had good references. I studied Linguistics in college. I'd lived abroad before. Altogether, probably a decent candidate for them. Plus they advertised so heavily that I imagined they don't turn many people away.
I accepted the job and began the roller coaster that ended just a week ago.

My first warning sign (other than the negative feedback about Hess that I'd read on blogs, message boards, and forums) was when I received the Hess contract as an email attachment.
The things that scared me about the contract the most was the following:

-An NST is required to accept all working hours offered to him/her within the HLS working hours as outlined in the NST policy handbook.

-If the NST fails to give the required notice (when quitting) or remains in Taiwan upon leaving employment, the NST agrees to reimburse Hess the training investment fee of NT$20,0000 (about $600 US). If the NST fails to adhere to the terms of this contract or the NST policy handbook, resulting in their termination, or leaves the employment of HLS before the expiration of this contract, the NST agrees to reimburse Hess the training investment fee of NT$20,000.

Now, coming from the land of at-will employment, both of these items looked suspicious to me. I HAVE to accept any hours offered to me? If I quit, I have to pay them money?
Yikes.

Also, the contract that they wanted me to sign didn't say how many hours I would be working, or which classes I would be teaching. It didn't even say where I would be living.

I am a person who knows what I want.
I knew that I didn't want a split shift contract (where I'd be required to be at Hess at 8:30 am and my last class would end at 8:30 pm). I was aware, from years of working experience, that having several hour breaks throughout the day is not the same as having a morning or evening to yourself when you can really relax.

I wanted contract C. I knew I wanted contract C.
I went, as always, to peoples blogs and discussion boards to see if I could get some information on what the real deal is.
What I found surprised me- I didn't find complaints that people had been asked to work too MANY hours-
I found that a lot of people who'd worked in the branch that I was supposed to go to had not been getting ENOUGH hours. They'd only had about 12 hours a week and had had to move to a different branch to get enough hours.
I sent an email to my contact at Hess stating my concerns. His responses are in bold:

Also it seems that a lot of people had a tough time getting enough
hours at the Luodong branch. Do you think that there will be enough
hours for me at the kindergarten? And since the contract says 25
hours, will I get paid for 25 regardless of whether I work 25? I am
really really looking forward to teaching kindergarten and I hope that
there will be enough work in Luodong to keep me there, as I do not
want to work in Taipei or Kaohsiung. I've been reading blogs and been
in touch with a couple of people who worked for Hess in Luodong, and
mostly their reports have been good but a couple have said that they
couldn't stay in Luodong because of lack of hours.

>> That's not an issue for your contract. You will be teaching two
kindergarten classes, so you will have 25 hours each week (each class is 2.5
hours every day Mon-Fri). The issues in the past were twofold - teachers
trying to teach a full 30-hour B contract in Loudong, and classes not able
to open at the right time slots to make this happen. Your 25 hours are
guaranteed, and even if a class was to be put off (eg, all the kids called
in sick) we would have some hours for you doing something to make sure you
could get paid.

>> (FYI, we get around the "not enough for a B contract" issue by not
offering B contracts in Ilan/Loudong any more).

It's a little scary to sign a contract that doesn't guarantee where
you will be working! Especially if you have to leave the country or
pay $600 to get out of it! I know that it seems to be against company
policy to guarantee anything, but I guess I just want a little
reassurance.

>> I understand. The reason the location is not on there is because the
government details about this would all be in Chinese, and because you can
count these emails as part of the contract discussion, etc. We do take it
seriously and make sure you get what you are wanting.

>> Oh, also: don't forget, you have the first 30 days (after you finish
training) to decide if it's really for you. If not, you can give 7 days
notice you are leaving and going home, and the Training Investment Fee
doesn't apply. See the NST policy book about this.

This all sounded reasonable so I signed and scanned and sent the contract. The guy I was emailing seemed nice. He probably is. But a lot of what he told me is BS.

There's a disconnect between the recruiters, Hess main office, and your branch.

Another reason why it's nice to just go and find your own job- you can speak directly to the person in charge and see what you're really getting yourself into. At least then, if they lie to you, you know who lied to you and you can at least try to hold them responsible or ask for answers.

Anyways, I had another concern. As an avid surfer, I wanted to take my surfboard. I'd been traveling around the country saying goodbye to family and hadn't been able to surf regularly for several months. I wanted to arrive in Taiwan with my surfboard and be ready to go right when the Hess initial training was over.

It seemed unreasonable to ask my new employer to help me transport a large and unweildy piece of sporting equipment to my new home, but I figured it was worth a try. So I wrote the following message in an email:

I will probably be arriving with my surfboard. If I came a couple
of days early (as recommended to get over jet lag) could I get an
airport pick up with a vehicle capable of carrying my surfboard?
Also, would I be able to get transportation down to Lou Dong in a
vehicle that could carry my surfboard? I have a nine footer and may
bring a 6 footer as well.

About the surfboards, yes, we can arrange transport suitable for them as
well. Just remind me closer to the time, so I don't forget!

Wow- I was stoked that they seemed so willing to help out. So I did remind him a lot. He told me that a mini-bus driver would take us down to the town I'd be living in from Taipei. I sent the following message to be sure about the whole arrangement:

A couple questions- Could I get in contact with the mini-bus driver
who will be taking me from Taipei to Luodong? I want to make sure
that everything goes smoothly with my surf board.

>> It will be one of the Taiwanese branch staff - not the best for
conversations in English..... What are you concerned about? The size? If
so, let me know how long it is and I will make sure it's OK.

So I told him the size (9feet) and it seemed like everything was a go. I guessed that they often had people going between the branches and that it wouldn't be so hard to get the right vehicle to carry my surfboard. I was stoked to be dealing with such a responsive company that cared about what I wanted.

As with everything else, I should have known better....

A word on medical checks

Taiwan requires medical checks to work in their country. There's a blood test, a vision test, a chest x-ray, and some other things.

If you get the medical tests done in your home country, it will cost quite a bit of cash (especially if you don't have health insurance- mine cost 3 or $400 US), perhaps several visits and several weeks (more expensive if you order rush results), and it will be a little more in depth. Our doctors take this stuff seriously. For example, when the medical test sheet that Hess sent me asked for a 'stool sample', my doctor asked me for a stool sample, and I'm not going to tell you what that entailed.

However, if you get your medical test done in Taiwan, it's cheap (I think about $60 US)
and it takes one quick, streamlined visit- mine took maybe an hour, a far cry from what I went through to get all the paperwork done at home, and it's pretty chill. For example, when the medical test asked for an 'external genitalia examination', the doctor in Taiwan blushed and checked that box off- and my panties stayed firmly in place.

I can only conclude from this experience that it's a better deal to get your medical check done in Taiwan. I think Hess has you do it in your home country to save themselves some trouble once you get to Taiwan, and maybe to get your papers in order faster (to get your visa faster), which is a good reason, but I think saving a couple hundred bucks of your own hard earned cash is a good reason to wait, and do the damn thing once you get to Taiwan.

Initial Training in Taipei

This was a post that I put on my original blog about Hess initial training. It's long and strays from the point but I thought I'd put it on here.

(please note: at the time I wrote this I had been told by a co-worker that Hess employees regularly scanned the internet for bad information about Hess- since I was still in their employment, I didn't write down all of my impressions of the initial training. That's why I'll write more about initial training on the next post.)

(another note: I do think that they actually found this blog- There were comments from people in Hess main office that lead me to believe they had read it and weren't pleased.)


The Wonderful World of Hess (or C, C, cuh cuh cuh, this is a cult…)
Ah, Hess glorious Hess, that’s all that I live for…

I’m grateful for a lot of what Hess has done for me, especially for what the individual people who work for Hess have done for me. They’re good people, even if they work for a huge ungainly fire-breathing beast of a company.

Regardless of the kindness of individual Hess employees, I realized somewhere in the midst of my second day of training in Taipei that I may not have made the best decision. What does it take, really, to teach children a new language? Lots of exposure, to be sure, and that’s what I thought I’d be doing. Just standing up there, talking. Hangin out, you know, being fun so they’d want to communicate with me in a language I could understand. That’s all I did in Italy, I just hung out and magically the little tykes learned English, perhaps purely out of frustration that their overgrown playmate could not understand simple instructions in Italian. “Ascolta, giocare come questa. Guarda. No, guarda! Hai guardato? Fai lo stesso. Fai come me. No no no, ascolta…! Okay fine you idiot, I’ll speak English!”

yeah seriously, they learned that fast! Amazing! That’s how it is with little kids though- their brains are like tiny grey sponges. When I arrived in Italy, the six year old child I nannied for couldn’t speak a lick of English. By the time I left we were having complicated arguments about the rules and ethics of soccer (and he usually won the arguments!)

So I thought teaching here in Asia wouldn’t be much different. Boy was I wrong. I mean, there I was in Hess training, trying to learn to be a good teacher, which apparently involves chanting ludicrous statements over and over and over again with a group of similarly glazed-eyed, slack-jawed

*quick interruption- I am currently in my apartment in Luodong, Taiwan, and some sort of vehicle with a tinny speaker system attached to it is playing (I kid you not) the wedding march, and in a firm, resolute voice, a woman is addressing the world in Chinese. It is the oddest sounding thing in the world. What are they saying? Is it a political campaign? Public service announcement? Disaster warning system? This is not the first time I’ve heard this- it happens often. I just try to ignore it, and I think that eventually I will ask someone what it is later but I always forget, because by the time I run into someone who speaks both English and Chinese, so many other weird and random things have happened that I want to ask about that I forget all about the wedding march and the resolute Chinese woman. But why the wedding march?

Another word about Chinese, the language. I don’t know if it is the tones or the sounds or the way it is spoken, but something about spoken Chinese invokes an acute emotional response in me- I begin to feel anxious. I never felt that way about Italian, or Hawaiian (rather, Hawaiian, spoken by someone who knows how to speak it is like being sung to sleep by a choir of heavenly angels.) Chinese is kind of like the red-headed step child of the language world- spirited, mischievous, and altogether terrifying.

Back to Hess – so yes there I was, chanting like an imbecile in a room full of other chanter’s, yodeling asinine statements over and over like one of those mechanized children’s toys.

“A, A, ah ah ah, this is an apple, B, B, buh buh buh, this is a ball. C, C, cuh cuh cuh…”

While we say this in unison, over and over and over again, a wildly effusive Hess trainer is standing before us, waving her arms, hair flying in every direction like medusa’s snakes, doing actions. For A she throws her hands up like the village people, for apple she holds her hand out as if holding an apple, for B she’s doing jumping jacks so limber that they would make a cheerleader grimace, for ball she’s throwing and catching an imaginary ball with such enthusiasm, such vigor, such joy of life that I’m almost embarrassed to be in the same room with her. And we’re supposed to mimic her! It would have been weird enough already, but we were also competing with the other trainees for points with the promise of a grand prize at the end. The thing is, I do get a little competitive sometimes, and this ‘competition’ had exactly the desired effect on me. I was very nearly standing on my chair, waving my hands menacingly at my fellow trainees.

“I CAN CHANT B, B BUH BUH BUH THIS IS A BALL BETTER THAN ALL Y’ALL, MOTHER #%$@*%$!!!!”

Now I realize that our trainers were trying to train us in the manner that they wanted us to teach the children- meaning lots of enthusiasm, repitition, actions, visuals, games, competitions and headache inducing madness. But was it ever enough for them? No! Was it really necessary for them to turn our brains into mushy balls of slop? NO! And does anybody in their right mind willingly sign up for 10 days straight of this nauseating lunacy? NOOOOO! And yet, there I was.

I think one of my fellow trainees hit it right on the head when, cradling a cheap bottle of Taiwanese beer woefully in her white-knuckled grip, eyes glowing dully with a hint of neurosis, she said, “I think we’ve joined a cult.”

Yes, I think we have.

Which brings me to another, loosely related, possibly boring and not worth your time, philosophical rant…

Sometimes I wonder how people muster up insane amounts of enthusiasm for their jobs. I mean, these Hess trainers for example. When they’re not up in front of the training room, ensuring group stupidity, they seemed like cool people. The kind of person you’d meet at a party or a club and go ha cool person, I’d hang out with them again. They’re normal, nice, even good-looking. Right? You’d never guess that they spent a vast majority of their waking hours screaming “B, B, this is a ball….OOooooooh. Nice. Job. Team. Eeeeelehhhhven. I. see. Your. Good. Actions. You. Have. Earned. A. point!”

(It is hard, in print, to mimic the way they talk. Let’s just say they enunciate to the point that you almost cannot understand them because it’s. such. An. Unnatural. Way. Of. speaking.)

These people are enthusiastic. And it doesn’t seem to matter that they’ve got an English speaking, adult audience right in front of them. They still talked to us as if we were Taiwanese 6 (or possibly 2) year olds. They’re that passionate about their work.

Or are they? Did I fail to notice a firing squad in the back of the room? Would they have been shot if they stopped behaving like maniacal clowns?

Or are they just being paid so well by Hess that they can justify this sort of behavior?

I remember one of my first jobs. I was 17 years old and I was a technician at a lazer tag place. All in all, a super fun job. My friends and I would throw on our own music and dance in the black lights as midgets ran around us shooting each other with plastic guns while wearing electronic vests. Definitely fun.

But nobody at the lazer tag place could understand why I worked so hard during my downtime. Even my managers asked me to calm it down because I was making them look bad. When it was slow, I would go clean something, and not just ‘clean’ it, I would super deep clean whatever it was to the point that it was shining. My co-workers would ask me, “why are you doing that? You’re only making $5.75 an hour.”

And I would respond, “I heard once that if you want to make a million dollars an hour, you should work as if you’re already making that much money. I want to make more money.”

So yeah I was a bit of a show off but who’d have thought it, a couple months down the road I asked for a raise and went from $5.75 an hour to $10 an hour. I was making more than some of my managers!

Anyways though, I ask myself now, where is that sprightly, eager little 17 year old with good work ethic? Did she just up and leave? How is it that I ended up with her body? How come my work ethic now doesn’t compare favorably with that of a slug? Why is it that now, if I can get away with doing less at work, I’ll do less, in fact I’ll do the bare minimum of what I can get away with in order to keep a job…? What happened to me?

I think the change occurred somewhere during that crazy year and a half when I was working 60 hours a week and going to school full time, averaging 3 hours of sleep a night. Somewhere along the line I realized that working so much made me stressed and when I was stressed I hated life and spent a lot of money – which just about brought me back to a middle ground. What is success in life? Is it accomplishing a lot of things, or being happy? Is there a happy medium?

I thought I would be okay with this whole teaching thing cause I really love little kids. as it turns out, I love entertaining the little tykes and making sure they are happy and safe, I don’t give a crap if Taiwanese kids learn English! Seriously! I think they might be better off if they didn’t learn it. If I had my choice, I’d say, ‘let’s go take a walk in the woods, kids, why don’t you stare at a tree for a while and decide to become an artist. Success and money really aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.’ Or better yet, ‘children, it’s high time you paid some serious attention to the wonderful world of surfing. Now paddle, paddle paddle good stand up. Excellent work. Let’s all get some ice cream.’

But hippy guidance counselor isn’t really in my job description, is it? Oh how I wish it were.

Just to bring this around to Hess, let me say that my co-worker spends about 12 hours at the school and only gets paid for 6 of them, at best. It really takes that much time to plan and understand the lessons, and she still feels like she’s behind. I, on the other hand, come an hour or two early. With the exception of my kindy class, my lessons suck. I think I’m naturally good at Kindy. I want to be a good teacher, but am I willing to put 6 hours of unpaid time in every day?

The answer is no. I am not.

I hope that no future employer is reading this post.

Initial training part 2

So I arrived in Taipei and there was a van waiting for me at the airport- a van big enough for my surfboard. So far, so good. I was stoked- incredibly excited to be out of the states and into Taiwan.
Hess had us hooked up in a reasonably nice hotel called The Golden China for the training. They even paid for our accommodations. Awesome.

Training took place at Hess main office, a couple of blocks away from the hotel. The first day of 'training' was a tour of Taipei- they took us to some monuments and temples. I'm not a big fan of guided tours, but it was pretty awesome anyways.
It was on the second day that I started to have my doubts.
Let me be clear about this- it is great that Hess has training. And I still use some of the things I learned there to this day in my teaching. If you come to Taiwan and find your own job, you will probably just observe a couple of classes and this will be your 'training'.

Hess shows proven games to play in class, classroom management ideas, etc.

That said, good god. They do treat you like two year olds through out the training.

Fine- I could handle that, it just meant that I spent all of the breaks in the bathroom gazing forlornly out the window. I'm a person who enjoys some good quiet alone time- there wasn't much of that for 10 days.
My second big issue was the amount of information. There are people more talented than me with better attention spans- and even they probably checked out mentally after a couple of days. It was just so much information, with no real-world application at that point.
(I find that the same problem applies to the lesson plans that Hess students learn- It goes like this- they present a new learning concept, play a game to practice it, and then move on to something else, but there's no real way to link the new thing you learned to the real world, or any way to see how or why it's important. Then they rush on to teach you something new. At the end of it, they give you a test on what you've learned- but right before the test, they basically give you all of the answers, so only an idiot could fail the test. Then they've covered all of their bases- to the parents, they can say 'look, they know the information, they passed the test'
That's why you can walk up to a star Hess student, who's been doing Hess Language School for 3 or 4 years, and say "Hey, what did you do today?" and you will generally be met with a blank stare.)

Here is my excuse for not paying the best attention in training- I had been assured that I was only teaching kindergarten, right? So if they were talking about kindergarten, I paid attention. But when they started talking about the other classes (and there are a lot of them) I was light years away circling the universe.
I might be a little adhd, but I got straight A's in my final year and a half of university. It's not like I'm retarded. It was just a LOT of information. And the games and the mindless chanting! Agggggghhhhhh! There were forty of us- I felt like we were sheep or cattle or something.
A couple of days into the training there were also...crap I can't remember what they called them, but they were basically teaching demonstrations. Maybe it was the way they were introduced or something, but I remember we were all incredibly stressed.
This was the first look I got at a Hess lesson plan. All I remember thinking was "HOLY FREAKING CRAP I am so glad I'm only teaching kindergarten!!!!"
More on the lesson plans later.
It took us trainees the better part of one night to plan the lessons, and everyone seemed nervous but we probably shouldn't have been. By the end of the training only 3 or 4 people had been 'dismissed'.
Speaking of being dismissed- one day I was walking between Hess main office and the hotel and a guy pulled me aside- a foreigner like myself- and he was obviously agitated. He was difficult to understand but I thought he was saying something about how my country had messed with his visa. I think I said something like "Hey man I know a lot of people hate what America is doing in the world but you've got to know how to separate the governments actions from the people's." or something like that. (I think a lot of experienced American travelers have an argument like this at the tip of their tongue. Turns out you don't need it in Taiwan. Most Taiwanese people seem to love America and Americans- probably partially because America is in a large way responsible for Taiwans continued independent existence- through providing arms and support against China. But that's a subject for a different discussion.)
Turns out the guy was saying my 'company' had messed with his visa- he was a trainee who had been dismissed from the previous training.
There were only a few people dismissed from training, but in my estimation, a few is too many. These people had spent hundreds of dollars on health checks, visa stuff, and plane tickets, and would now either have to go back home, or start the whole visa process over again with a different company. I think it goes back to a disconnect between the recruitment department of Hess and the actual schools themselves. I'm not sure how much the recruiters make per person, but I'm going to guess it's a fair amount and they probably sometimes send people they have doubts about- you know, you fling enough stuff at a wall, some of it's going to stick.

Anyways, my teaching demonstration went by with out much of a problem. It seemed like everyone got three positive and three negative comments, and most people got scores in the mid range.

I found out later that the trainers were also rating us on our performance every day and writing comments about us- and these papers would be sent to our branch. Not a huge deal, but it still struck me as a little weird.

Trouble in the middle of HESS initial training: and my weapon against evil- DENIAL!!!

A couple of days into the training, we each called or were called by our HNST (head native speaking teacher, basically your western manager) from our branch.
We'll call my HNST James. My first impression of him over the phone was that he sounded mild-mannered and kind. A couple of minutes into our conversation he said we should discuss my schedule.
My schedule? Two kindergarten classes, I already know.
Noooo he said. You don't have two kindergarten classes.

?

"Fortunately," said James
(I soon learned that if James begins a sentence with 'fortunately', you ought to head screaming for the hills, because what follows will be anything but fortunate)

"fortunately you do have a kindergarten class in the morning. Then on Mondays, wednesdays and Friday's you'll have a class called Treehouse, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays you'll have a class that's just like kindy called jump. Then you'll have HLS classes on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday."

My mind was already racing. There must be a mistake. For the entire training so far I'd been looking at my fellow trainees during the non-kindy sections and thinking 'you shmucks, those classes are going to suck! Thank god I did my research and am only teaching kindergarten.'
I also knew that kindergarten is a morning class, and the buxiban (older children) classes run from 6:30-8:30pm- and have homework and tests to grade, not to mention baffling lesson plans.

Also the schedule he was talking about would be about 32 or 33 hours a week- not exactly the 15 I had dreamed about.

(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I actually had thought that I would only be working 33 hours HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! The truth was I would be PAID for 33 hours- I'd be working MUCH much MUCH more.)

But the part that killed me was the 8:30 am start and the 8:30 pm finish...I didn't know when treehouse and jump were, but I wasn't pleased that I was already being forced into a split shift schedule.

I told James that there was a mistake and that I had agreed to a Contract C full time kindy schedule. He replied that Jump class was for kindy aged kids, so it would be almost like a contract C! Wasn't that great?

He told me I could talk to the main office staff and see if there was something else that could be done.

I got off the phone and immediately my mind went into some sort of denying reality survival mode. I just decided that squeaky wheels get the grease and that I'd be a squeaky wheel.


At the end of training, nearly 40 trainees happily lined up to sign their contract. I refused. What an awkward moment. Here I am in a foreign country, my visa is tied to the company I'm working for, I don't have enough money for a flight home, and I'm refusing to sign their contract.
I was told that less kindergarten children had signed up at my branch than expected- that was why my schedule had changed. I was told to go, try it, see if I liked it, and if I didn't, we'd figure something out.

Now I understand that it must be a logistical nightmare to do what Hess does- hundreds of new teachers, thousands of students, crazy scheduling, many unkown variables (will the new teacher pass training, what kids will sign up for which classes, will we have too many or not enough teachers, etc.) and to be fair to Hess they are honest that you may not get the schedule/location that you want. And they did give me exactly the location i wanted. 1 out of two, considering what they're up against, isn't bad.
But I wasn't going for not bad, I was going for good, so this new development sucked.
They must have understood the kindergarten situation long before I boarded the plane to Taiwan. They just didn't tell me until it was convenient- meaning, I was in Taiwan, tied to their visa, with half of their unpaid training behind me.

The surfboard

During the last couple of days of the training, I was becoming increasingly alarmed about my surfboard. At nine feet long it is difficult to transport, and the town that I was moving to was about an hour away from Taipei. Though the people at Hess had reassured me that they would help me take it down to Luodong, I had the strangest feeling that it wasn't going to happen.
So, for the last 3 days of training, I asked several people about my surfboard- never getting a straight answer from anyone but being reassured over and over again. I asked about the mini-bus that would take me to the branch, and they told me I would not take a mini bus but would be on the train. Well...were you allowed to put a long surfboard on the train? I doubted it, but I was willing to try.

All I wanted was a straight answer, and they got annoyed at me for asking questions.

Was it Hess's responsibility to transport my surfboard? Absolutely not.

To be honest, when I had first asked them if they could help me with my surfboard, and they said yes, I kind of felt like I was getting away with something. I figured they would tell me to transport my own damn surfboard. But when they said yes, I figured that maybe they said yes because it would be easy. Maybe they had vans going back and forth between branches all the time. I was just relieved that they said they would help me.
I think this is just Hess's MO with new recruits- “Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! Sure sure sure! Of course! Whatever you want! Just get your ass to Taipei!”

The morning of our departure from the hotel, I lugged my nine foot board downstairs and waited for our ride to the train station.

“If my board doesn't go,” I remarked to one of the trainers, “I don't go.”

The trainer just rolled his eyes and looked at me like I was incredibly immature- which sure maybe an obsession with surfing CAN be seen as immature- that's fine, he's entitled to his opinions- but if I was repeatedly reassured that I would arrive in Luodong WITH my surfboard, was it immature to believe what they told me?

(besides if you're a surfer, you understand my fear- you don't just want any brute who knows nothing about a surfboard lugging it around. They could bang it against something which could cause a ding which I wasn't sure if I could even fix in Taiwan...seriously if you're a surfer you understand.)

Taxi after taxi rolled up to the hotel entrance and took group after group of happy trainees away. My turn came and you guessed it----- just a regular taxi, incapable of taking my surfboard.

Why the fuck didn't they just TELL me they weren't planning to take it? Then at least I could have attempted, through a translator, to make my own arrangements!!!!

I didn't make good on my promise- I left my surfboard in the care of the hotel and was assured that they would hold it for me at Hess main office. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I still get mad thinking about it 10 months later.

I tried to shake it off on the train ride so I would be in a good mood when I met my new co-workers. But the foundation was laid. Obnoxious information over load training, changing my schedule with out telling me before I arrived, and lying to me about my surfboard. I seriously hated Hess.

Schedule change

When I arrived in my branch, it was actually pretty sweet- they had a little pizza party for us, and I really liked my new co-workers. I decided to put Hess main office behind me and focus on loving my branch.

I believe I arrived on a Thursday. Two of my co-workers (a Canadian and an American) had graduated from initial training a week before me and had been 'observing' more experienced teachers for a week. I was told that I unfortunately wouldn't get to observe much because I was late (which was ironic because I'd actually asked if I could come to the earlier training group and they said no.)

So on the following Friday, I watched my new co-worker teach her first kindergarten class, and on Saturday, I watched a more experienced teacher give an oral test to his students.
(an oral test is comprised of asking about 20 different students the same 7 or 8 questions individually- not exactly a real example of teaching)

I met my kindergarten class on the Friday before I began work, and fell instantly in love with them.
“Ask them 'what's your name'” said the exhausted looking teacher I was taking over for.
“What's your name?” I asked one little girl as she came toward me. She stared into my eyes and then ran off screaming. This little game was repeated by several of the students. They couldn't seem to stop staring at my eyes- I later found out because they're blue. I was so stoked to meet these little kids. I loved teaching kindergarten.

Anyways, I was then shown my schedule. Teach kindy 8:30 am til 11:30 Monday through Friday. Then on Monday Wednesday and Friday, teach TreeHouse from 4:30 till 6:30. On Tuesday and Thursday, Jump from 4:20 till 6. Then, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday nights, a different class every night from 6:40 till 8:30.

“This is going to need to change,” I said to James. If he sensed that I would be trouble then, he had no idea how much.
“It can't be changed.” he told me.
“I need it to be changed. Kindy can be from 2 till 4, can't it?”
“No.”
“Yes it can. That would have been one of my classes if I had contract C.”
“Maybe we can change it in a few months.”
“If it changes in a few months, I won't be here to see it change.”

yeah, I wasn't making any friends. I did, however, get a phone call over the weekend telling me that my schedule could indeed be changed and I could start Kindy at 2 pm. That was actually really cool of the branch and I'm still grateful that they were flexible on it.

Classes

On Monday I showed up around 12 to prepare my lessons. I figured 2 hours was pretty generous of me – to give that much of my free time with out being paid.
What I saw when I arrived at the branch were my two co-workers (we'll call them Melissa and Brian) in a frenzy.
Both of them had been there since about 7 am, and were eating lunch at the NST desk. Both of them would stay until 9 or 10 pm every night for the next week. That's 14 and 15 hour days, and they were only getting paid for 6.5 of those hours. I promised myself that I would not make the same mistake. If they wanted me to spend that much time at the school, they would have to pay me for it.

I think the difference between how I handled the situation and how Melissa and Brian handled it could be chalked up to experience.
I had had jobs since I was 12, and had been working full time since I was 17, sometimes holding up to 3 part time jobs at one time. Ya know that insane desire one usually feels to please their boss on their first job?
Yeah, mine was gone. I figured most jobs were lucky to have me, and not the other way around.
Good attitude? no. And definitely not a good attitude for a new teacher to have. Teaching takes preparation. A LOT of preparation. But I hadn't signed up for a salary job and they weren't paying me enough for me to be coming in on my own time.
(In America I had been making more than double the hourly wage for easier work. I realize that cost of living was much lower in Taiwan, but then again that was the whole reason I'd come to Taiwan- to work less and save more.)

Anyways for my first week my Kindy class was great (I had KNOWN I'd be good at Kindy, that's why I had requested it!!!) But my other classes left a little something to be desired. I would show up around 1:30, which was plenty of time to plan for Kindy, but then I'd just kind of wing my other classes.
I figured they had given me classes that I hadn't agreed to in the first place. Yes, the first contract I had signed said "I agree to accept all hours given to me." but I had signed it and scanned it and emailed it to them. I don't think that's legally binding, and I had not signed the real contract in Taipei- after I knew what the classes entailed.
If they didn't like the job I was doing, they'd have to give me the schedule they had promised me, or fire me.
Am I proud of this?
No. Those kids deserved better- and their parents deserved better, for the money they were paying.
And my Chinese co-teachers deserved better- when i fell down on the job, it was the other teachers, the kids, and the parents who lost out- not Hess, who in my mind had caused the problem in the first place.
It was this realization that caused me to donate shocking amounts of my free time to Hess over the coming 10 months.

The first two classes

So I show up around noon on my first day- a little stressed- I'd be teaching 2 classes that day- four hours in all.
So I show up, pour over my Kindergarten teachers guide for a while, and walk in there having a pretty good idea of what I want to do. I'd prepared 16 paper crowns- one for each of my kids with their names on the crown. My idea was that they could color the crown and put it on- then I'd take each of their pictures with my kodak camera (which comes with it's own printer) and print out two copies of the pictures- one copy would go home with me so I could memorize the kids names, and the other copy would stay at school (I ended up putting magnets on the back and putting the pictures next to the children's names on the board for when i would give them 'stars'- each kid got a star when they did something well, and five stars at the end of the day meant that they got a sticker.)
Kindy went great- those tykes were adorable (I assume they still are) and we all got along really well.
I was lucky because on this particular day, I had 2 and a half hours until my next class. I gloated over my kindergarten success and stared at the adorable pictures I had printed up and was so excited I planned a lesson for the next day of kindergarten. This took an hour or so- I still had an hour and a half to do my next lesson plan. (if you're keeping a tally, this is now 3 unpaid hours that I worked for hess on my first day - man, if only I'd kept a tally of the whole 10 months!!!)
I got the teaching materials and looked at the teachers guide.
Step Ahead 12, or F7N12 in Hess speak.
Ahhhh, step ahead 12.
First of all, the teachers guide was written in some sort of indiscernible shorthand. I flipped around, trying to get an overview of the whole class before I tried to understand that days lesson. After 20 or so baffling minutes, I decided to just focus on the days lesson, as the time for the class was drawing near.
First I was supposed to read some story book with them. I vaguely remembered from Hess training that there was supposed to be an order to this- first you were supposed to read aloud, sentence by sentence, and the class would repeat after you. then you'd go over the new words. Then...they read it again, line by line? One student read a line each? Or...you all read together? I couldn't remember exactly and by now was starting to panic- i only had an hour or so to plan. So I decided the reading part would be pretty easy, and skipped on to the grammar part, as I imagined that would be difficult.
The teachers guide said to start by writing a passive voice sentence on the board. Passive voice, what was that? Then I remembered - the book was thrown by me, as opposed to I threw the book. okay good good i had a passive sentence. So I was supposed to show them how the different sentence still meant the same thing, and how to change an active sentence into a passive one. So far so good. Then they were supposed to open their student books. I opened the student book to the indicated page.

It had absolutely nothing to do with passive or active sentences.

right.

The rest of the lesson planning went more or less along those lines.
I figured it was okay- once I got to know the students and what they were capable of, I would be able to present the lesson in an accessible, interesting way.
I did my best to understand the rest of the lesson, and went up to the classroom.

I don't know how it is at other Hess branches, but at my branch, nobody showed new teachers where to go or which room they were teaching in. I didn't have a room number, just the class name and the name of my co-teacher. I figured the rooms would be labeled with class names. I was wrong.
The result- me popping my head into all of the classrooms, making an ass of myself trying to figure out which kids were mine.
Great start.
So I finally get to the right class and start my lesson.
"Teacher!" the kids start crying, "teacher!"
I didn't know why they were saying teacher over and over- I soon found that this was their way of letting me know i was doing something wrong.
The co-teacher finally came up and told me to give the kids a quiz. A quiz? How could I quiz them when I didn't know what they knew?
I flipped to the previous lesson and decided to quiz them on the words they had learned the previous week. I thought, okay, three words, they spell each word and then write a sentence with the word in it.
I told them this and was met with blank stares. I wrote it on the board. Finally I wrote the first word and a sentence to give them an example.
I soon discovered that while the kids 'knew' the words- how to spell them and a definition, they had no idea how to actually use the words in a sentence.

What was worse, these kids couldn't understand a damn word I was saying. Beyond "Hello, how are you, what's your name?" they were completely lost- and even those questions could be difficult.
And I was supposed to explain passive and active sentences to them?
The rest of the class went by with staggering awkwardness.

where do I even begin?

Hess, on paper and in theory, has a great program. The lessons progress in a logical and cumulative way, each lesson building on the previous lesson, each level building on the previous level. Each week, the kids focus on 7 or 8 new vocab words and a new sentence pattern. Most of these sentence patterns are pretty good and pretty useful. There are some real crappy ones though- for example I spent one week asking kids "What do you do?" to which they were supposed to respond "I make a snowman." or "I look at lanterns."
I don't know about you or where you come from, but in my neck of the woods, when someone says 'what do you do?" you answer with your job title.
why wasn't the sentence "What are you doing?"
god only knows- the problem was that i was stuck teaching this non-nonsensical sentence over and over again and couldn't change it because all of the tests these kids would be taking had that sentence on them.
This problem- of teaching things you don't like or don't agree with or that don't make sense- extends far beyond the sentence patterns.
For example, the kids in step ahead 12 understood about 5% of the words coming out of my mouth, yet were supposed to learn the differences between passive and active voice- and were reading a somewhat complicated story that they understood very little of.

And yet, because Hess has it's program, I just had to continue teaching them more and more complicated things that they couldn't even come close to grasping.
I finally figured out what 'successful' hess teachers do- You get into a very predictable classroom routine, so kids know exactly what you're going to do and when. You GIVE them all of the answers, word for word, sometimes letter by letter- most often just letting them copy down exactly what you write off the board. Even the HOMEWORK--- In the teachers guide it says "go over the homework on page such and such" which I assumed meant you just explained the homework assignment- only to find out later that other hess teachers gave them every answer, every week, before the end of every class. Same with tests- go over the answers before hand- maybe not the exact answers but something so similar that a blind monkey with a stick could ace the test.
Parents- look, your child got a 97% on this incredibly difficult looking english test. See your child, head bowed over another amazing english assignment? They really must be learning this stuff. And they just keep progressing in the levels. Hess is great. All of your english dreams for your child are coming true. Just keep signing those checks!
yet why is it when a native english speaker asks them an incredibly basic english question "What color do you want?" or "what did you do today?" they are completely lost?

This, at least, is how I began to feel at my branch.
If the students had the BEST teachers, and they studied at home a great deal, and had someone to practice english with every day, maybe they would actually know what, on paper, they supposedly knew.

I found this whole situation very dis-heartening.
But luckily in that first class, i just blamed myself and decided to try harder.

Another Job Possibility

On my second day in Luodong I began to meet the other foreigners in the area. Early on in every conversation, the question came up:
“Where do you work?”
My answer was met with a variety of reactions, none of them good. Flat out guffaws, head shakes and “Oh, that sucks...”

So under the circumstances you can imagine my response when a woman who owned a different kindergarten head-hunted me a week later.
I was at a local 'western-style' sports bar with some friends when a very chatty Taiwanese woman came to our table. Her English was excellent and she instantly took an extreme interest in me, asking where I was from, how I liked Taiwan and how I liked my job. I figured it was harmless to tell her the truth- that I loved my co-workers and the children, but I felt that it was unfair that we were only paid for the time we were actually standing in front of the class teaching when there was so much extra work to be done that we never got paid for. Only after about 30 minutes of chatting did it come out that she owned her own English kindergarten and was looking for another teacher. She gave me her card and I could tell she was excited, even though she tried not to be pushy. Before she left she bought our table two snack dishes and a round of drinks.
The job she was offering was salary- something I wasn't too pleased about until I spoke to the other foreign teachers who worked there. Their schedule was from 8:30 am until 4:30 pm, with a two hour break time in the middle. They were paid for meetings and class preparations, and though they were required to be there all day to work on other things (helping the kids get their lunches, helping to clean the classroom) they were only responsible for 3 actual in front of the class teaching hours per day. The salary was 60,000 a month- 30,000 taxed and 30,000 tax free that they would pay under the table (this is a common practice and helpful because tax for new foreign workers is 20% if you've been in the country for less than 183 days of the first year.) I was making about 57,000 per month at Hess, teaching 6.5 hours in front of the class per day. This other school was less by 3,000 nt after taxes, but the hours were so much better and it seemed much more chill. I'd also have some freedom to teach what I wanted to teach and slow down or speed up according to the children's level. I decided to go for it.

Part of what made the job so much more enticing than Hess was that we were paid for class planning and meetings. Like I said, when I was researching Hess I believed that I would be able to stay at Hess only the hours that I was teaching (4-6 hours a day) and the 20 minutes of unpaid preparation time before each class (which of course added up to another hour each day). What I wasn't prepared for was
a.) the meetings (at least one 1 hour meeting per week, scheduled a half hour after my class ended and in the middle of a break. The hour long meeting often stretched for longer than an hour, but sometimes would be less),
b.) homework and test grading – which was fine for my lower level classes but OH MY GOSH for my Step Ahead 12 class took at least an hour per class, 2 or 3 if there had been a test or quiz.
c.) 'communication books' in which I wrote a little blurb about each kid in my kindergarten class twice a month- Communication books were done for Jump every week, and the rest of the classes once every 3 months- which isn't so bad but really adds up – and always seemed to be due the day that you really wanted to get the heck out of there.
d.)Performance planning and preparation – more on this later.
e.) planning 'fun times' and art projects for kindy. There is a 45 minute 'fun time' every day- there is a 'fun time' book which outlines projects to do during this time, some of which are pretty great- only problem is my branch had decided that the 'fun time' materials were too expensive and refused to buy them. Of course they didn't tell us this outright- we just had to discover it for ourselves by requesting materials for a certain day and then...never receiving them, which could wreck havoc on class planning. Anyways I rarely looked at my fun time book after the first week- saved me the frustration of expecting materials that never came and of planning elaborate fun times in my free time.
if you wanted to do anything special for your kids (which if you're me you always want to do special things- those kids are great and when I had an idea that I thought would really help my class understand a new concept, it was nearly impossible for me to dismiss it- even if it took hours of my free time to prepare an activity or art project that I thought would help the kids.)
Planning REALLY helps classes run better. It just sucks to spend hours of blood, sweat and tears and never be compensated for them. I also often bought my own materials for the class if I had an idea that I couldn't resist doing. I never bothered to be reimbursed for buying these materials because my co-workers had tried and were met with the useful-in-every-awkward-situation taiwanese giggle.
“remember how I said I needed pipe cleaners for my kindy classes, and you kept saying you would buy them for me, and never did?”
“giggle giggle”
“And remember how I said I would go buy them myself, and you said I could and would be reimbursed?”
“Giggle giggle”
“Ummm, it was only 100 nt. Can I be reimbursed?”
“Giggle giggle giggle”
“I have the reciept right here.”
“Giggle...”
and so on.
the money never materialized.
I informed my manager at Hess that I wanted to leave, and he told me that I would be charged the 20,000 nt even though I was still in my first month of employment, because I was still staying in the country. Plus, I owed Hess 30,000 nt for the interest free loan I took out. I added up my meager funds and realized I could never make it. But I was so desperate to get out that I decided I would take a cash advance on my credit card to cover expenses.

Looking back, I absolutely wish i would have taken that other job. I had four friends who worked at that other school, and while they were often annoyed by their job, they never put up with the crazy crap that I put up with- and they always had more free time than I did and less stress.

It was my kindy kids. Those little rascals had been mine for 2 weeks and I was already completely in love with them. Also, my co-teacher was awesome. My friends kept telling me “Cami, the kids are cute everywhere- just go to the better job.” but I couldn't. As far as I could tell, all of my kids were brilliant and perfect and adorable, and though I only briefly met the kids at the other school, it was instantly clear that they were all average at best. I thought it over carefully and decided to ask James if they could go ahead and get a new NST, who could take most of my classes- And I would just continue to teach Kindy and maybe treehouse and jump. If I could just have a reduction of hours I knew I'd be okay, and it would benefit the branch because then they'd have less stress and another teacher available to sub. I was willing to give up as many hours as needed (I figured I could do some private tutoring on the side if I needed more money). I brought it up to James and he responded enthusiastically. I told the other school I wouldn't be working for them. James promised me that the new teacher would arrive in a month.

New schedule and ambiguous communication

A month turned into two which turned into three. James was a saint and for a month of that time did not make me teach my night classes. But after a month I was back to teachign my crazy schedule and being at Hess for 10-14 hours 5 days a week. To be fair not all of that time was spent working, a good deal of it was spent staring miserably off into space. I wasn't doing any of the extra things I wanted to do- I wasn't surfing- ever. I wasn't writing, I wasn't studying chinese, I wasn't discovering Taiwan. Is that all Hess's fault? of course not. It was mostly a combination of culture shock and exhaustion- Hess wasn't responsible for the culture shock but they were responsible for the exhaustion. I'd often spend my two hour breaks driving 15 minutes home, taking a short nap, then driving back to Hess. Finally I found an empty classroom and would take naps on the floor.

This whole time they kept changing the date of when the new teacher would be arriving. Sucked to work a schedule I didn't want while I waited, but I still think it was really cool of them to be getting a new teacher at all- they easily could have fired me as soon as he came because I'd caused so much trouble but they didn't. That was pretty decent of Hess- though I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that my kindy kids and parents loved me.

Finally the new teacher arrived-he was in Taipei doing his initial training. Meanwhile, I had been asking what my new schedule would be- and was a little frustrated when no one would answer me. James took his usual route which was with-holding information that he thought would dis-please me. There was much speculation about which classes my new co-worker would take over. He would basically be taking a combination of my classes and Melissa's classes. It was frustrating not to be able to get a straight answer- I'm pretty sure that my students and their parents knew, I knew that the Taiwanese staff knew- but I could only ask James, who wouldn't tell me. I had to do my own detective work to find out my new schedule.

Turned out that I would be losing two of my night classes, TreeHouse and Jump- meaning I would work from 2-4 then 6:40 till 8:30 Monday, then 8:30-11:30 am Weds Thurs Fri and 6:30 till 8:40 on Friday. AWESOME!!!! Yes, it was not exactly what I wanted (I would have liked to keep Jump and Tree house and lose my night classes, or take another Kindy class and ditch treehouse and jump), but I was so stoked. I felt like my life in Taiwan was about to begin!!!

If only I could get that Friday night class moved to Tuesday....
Hess night classes are two nights a week for the kids- one of those nights, the foreign teacher teaches, one night, the Taiwanese teacher teaches. On the days that the foreign teacher teaches, the Taiwanese teacher is still in the room. The kids and the Taiwanese teacher were there on Tuesday and Friday nights- so would it matter much if I changed my Friday night to a Tuesday?
I thought about it carefully. I'd already pissed off all of the management at Hess. Should I still ask for this one more thing? I finally decided I'd ask my Taiwanese co-teacher if she would mind changing days. Since we were the two people that the change would effect, I thought this was the best idea. It helped that she was the manager of all of the Taiwanese teachers- She had a little more clout and her word would go further with management.
I asked her and she didn't mind at all. I asked her if she would talk to our boss and she said yes. Later that day she told me I could go ahead and mark the change on my schedule, which was on the wall.
I drew an arrow from Friday to Tuesday. I couldn't have been happier.
the next day I came in and the arrow was crossed out and next to it someone had written the words “Can't be changed”. I asked the Taiwanese manager if she had done it and she looked surprised. She hadn't.
I wrote “Why not?” on my schedule and went to teach a class.
When I came out, my co-worker, Melissa, told me that she had heard James and the branch manager discussing the schedule change.
“He really went to bat for you,” she said, “He told the branch manager that it wasn't you who wanted the change, it was your co-teacher, and he said that it didn't matter what day you taught. I think you're going to get to change that night.”
After my night class, I went to talk to James.
He told me that the schedule couldn't be changed and I would have to teach from 8:30am to 11:30am on Friday, go home then come back to teach from 6:40 till 8:30.

Maybe I should have just let it go, but I thought about how great it would be to get that changed.

“Why?” I asked James.
“Right off the top of my head I can think of at least 7 reasons why it's better if you teach this class on Friday instead of Tuesday. You know, when you work at a company, sometimes it's nice to do a really good job for six months or so, and then, you know, if all of your classes are going well maybe you can request the schedule you want...”

James launched into one of his patented lectures. James is really a nice guy- sometimes he could talk a lot though, always dancing around the answers that you really wanted to know. I had learned that I just needed to sit there and wait for him to finish, then ask a question and pay attention really hard. Sometimes, if I really concentrated, I could see a glimpse of an answer to my question wrapped up in his 10 minute answer. I think if I had just met James on the street I would have thought he was a nicer than average guy and really liked him. In a management capacity, though, we were less than compatible. I just want a freaking answer when I ask a question. James seemed to pad his answers with so much other fluff that I could never tell what he was getting on about. Also he would negate everything he said- for example, once I asked how much help we should give children during an oral test, and whether or not we should dock points if they needed help. I then sat through hemming and hawing for 20 minutes from which I gathered that his answer was,
“You should help them enough but not too much and of course you have to dock points if you have to help them but not really cause learning a second language is really hard and you don't want to be harsh when grading cause it will upset their parents. But of course their scores should reflect what they really know.”
This is a fine answer I suppose but it took forever to get it and all I wanted to hear was, “Deduct half a point for every time you have to help them and every grammar mistake they make.” or something like that.
sigh.
So when James was finished telling me that I really ought to have a little more consideration for the company I worked for by not asking for what I really wanted, I said.
“You said there were like 7 reasons why I couldn't change my Friday class to Tuesday. Can you explain a couple of them just so I understand?”
I really was trying to understand. I really thought maybe there was a compelling reason.

I listened for a long time and here's what I gathered.
“Well. It's not good for a teacher to teach so many classes in one day. It can make them tired.”
(but changing my Friday class wouldn't make me work any more hours in one day than they had wanted me to work 5 days a week.)
“And what if someone needs a substitute on Tuesday? Then where would we be?”
(if someone needed a substitute on Tuesday then I could sub for them and the co-teacher could teach my Tuesday class and I could teach it for her on Friday that week.)
And from what I could gather those were the 7 reasons. Both of them didn't make any sense.
My suspicion now is that they (upper management? James? Taipei main office? I still don't know who they were) were trying to show me that I couldn't get what I wanted just by being obnoxious- I needed to fall in line and work hard to get what I wanted. Between them not telling me directly what my new schedule was and this needless stab at behavioral modification I kind of felt like Hess was treating me like a child. Why couldn't we both just be honest about what we wanted? How much of this lack of clear communication was James and how much of it was just Hess's bizarre corporate culture?

Let me re-iterate that James, though frustrating to me personally, was not a bad guy. As far as I could tell, his failure was simply trying too hard to be a good manager- and by definition he was caught between the higher management and us teachers. He was constantly taking one for the team, telling me bad news about what they wanted and telling them bad news about what I wanted.
To me he pretended to be on the side of upper management. To upper management he pretended to be on my side (or so it seemed from what my co-workers had overheard). I don't know what he really thought (except perhaps that I was a pain in the ass) and I don't know if he even knew what he really thought.

Poor James.
(incidentally he resigned as manager a month after I quit. I feel badly for the trouble I caused him. I was always fond of telling him, “If they paid me a million new taiwan dollars an hour it still wouldn't be enough for me to do your job.” to which I got a rare glimpse of his true emotions when he said, “I'm not making that much more than you are.”)

15 minutes in the life of a Hess Kindergarten Teacher

So after 4 months of struggle, I finally had the schedule that I thought would work for me at Hess!!! I had 15.5 hours a week- but I usually was at Hess MOnday and Tuesday from 1:40 till 9 or so, then Weds, Thurs, and Fri from 8:40 till 1 or 2.
Sure I was working a couple of hours for free a day, but I'd finally accepted that this was part of teaching and the kids were worth it to me. If this had been it and there were no other problems I think I would have stayed for the whole year at Hess. But they had some more tricks up their sleeves.

I wish someone had told me before I came to Taiwan what the day to day teaching would actually be like. I don't know what I had pictured but I do know that it was different from anything I'd imagined. The day to day teaching in kindergarten was pretty great.

By the time I arrive at the branch in the morning, all of the other foreign teachers and Taiwanese staff are already there and I wonder, for the 487th time, whether they sleep here at night- because they were all here at 9:00pm when I left. I snag my co-worker Melissa by the sleeve as she passes.
“Hey Melissa,” I say, “I've got a head-ache that's killing me today- I know it's my turn, but could you lead exercise time again?”
Melissa looks at me, her eyes full of compassion--- and she laughs.
“Yeah right,” she says.
We both turn to the exercise room, trying to talk quietly on the way there, but apparently not quietly enough. Our students, who are lined up in wonderfully straight lines, eyes toward the stage, perfectly silent and well-behaved, somehow sense our presence.
Melissa's students, who are older and a bit better behaved (what can I say, class-room management has never been my strong suit), simply turn and fall out of formation, and begin to yell her name enthusiastically.
“Teacher Melissa Teacher Melissa Teacher Melissa!”
“Well Hello Lion Class Good Morning! How Do You Feel Today?!” says Melissa, putting her 'Teacher Melissa' smile on.
My students, on the other hand, begin to sprint toward me, screaming “Teacher Cami!!!”. No child should possibly be able to run as fast as they do. They are like leopards. I turn and flee, but soon have to stop because I feel the first set of chubby little arms wrapped around my legs. Soon I am mobbed and can feel my body begin to sway dangerously. I am pulled thunderously to the ground by my little midgets, and I can only hope to land in such a way as to not maim anyone. Through the window between Harrison's hands, which are clasped around my hair, and Alisha's forehead, as she tries to kiss my cheek, I look up to see the face of my Taiwanese co-teacher, Emily. I am only too aware that my role as 'fun teacher' forces her to play the role of 'tough teacher', and while I feel bad about it I'm not sure how to change it. I shrug at her and try to convey my apologies (it must have taken some work to get the kids lined up this morning), she grins and laughs. That woman is a SAINT.
I disentangle myself and usher the kids back into line. Brian, our third and final foreign teacher, looks up at me from wiping a child's nose.
“You got the music?” he asks.
“Oh shit,” I say. Quietly.
I run into my classroom and riffle through the box next to the cd player. Do I want to use a Hess music CD? Only if I want to send us all to the loony bin. Should I use the new CD I burned last week which has yet to be approved by the management? Only if I want to lose my job. Finally I land on a cd that looks unfamiliar. It must be kids songs because why else would it be in my classroom? It'll have to do. I rush out to the stage just as the clock ticks to 9. I throw the CD at Brian and jump onto the stage.
“What track numbers?” hisses Brian.
“Choose your favorites!” I hiss back, then I turn to the students, “GOOD MORNING MUNCHKINS!” I fairly scream.
“GOOD MORNING TEACHER CAMI!!!” they howl back.
“SHOULD WE SAY GOOD MORNING TO TEACHER BRIAN?!” I yell.
As the students are screaming 'good morning Teacher Brian' Brian gives a happy wave then turns to me, his face grave.
“What do you mean my favorites, I don't even know what's on this CD!”
“Just choose your favorite numbers,” I tell him, “WHAT ABOUT TEACHER MELISSA?!” I scream to the students.
The chorus goes on until we've greeted all of the teachers.
“HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?” I ask the students. They all scream, “I FEEL ____!” There is a jumble of 'excited's and 'happy's and 'angry's, mixed in with a couple of 'crazy's, which was my personal contribution to their emotion vocabulary.
“WHAT DAY IS TODAY?” I shout, trying to ignore Brian, who is rolling his eyes at me. I know I'm never prepared, but I'm also above average at ad-libbing.
“ARE YOU READY FOR THE DANCE PARTY?” I yell.
The kids answer in the affirmative and we're off.
With none of us knowing quite what to expect, Brian hits play on the CD player.
The first notes float into the air and the children fly into a frenzy. I laugh with recognition. It is the insane medley of songs I had picked out for the Christmas play that my students performed. All of the students have heard the song many times because I played it ad nauseum while practicing the performance, and I can tell they're excited to finally dance to the songs that they had heard so often.
Most songs that we sing have a set set of actions so that the children can easily recognize and remember the words. Because I don't have a set set of actions for these songs, the children watch me carefully and mimic everything I do. Their English is still rudimentary, but at ages 2-7, these kids mimicking skills defy reality. It's kind of fun to watch an entire room of nearly 100 kindergärtners copying your actions. I begin leaping acrobatically about the stage, only to stop moments later because the children are bouncing into each other. It's only 9:07 and we've already got several criers. I try to tone it down a little and rotate between marching, running in place, doing jumping jacks, and otherwise trying to come up with actions to the words of the songs. The children don't miss a beat, and soon little groups are splintering off and running around excitedly, only to be chased down by the Taiwanese teachers and put back into their places.
Brian keeps looking up at me and laughing. Brian's got a wicked laugh that always makes me feel better through-out the day. Seriously I don't think I could have taken all the insanity without my awesome co-workers. Brian was also my cohort during meetings- every time a new and ridiculous Hess requirement came up we would kick eachother under the table or we could just look at each other and know the other one was laughing. Thank god for Brian and Melissa (not actually their real names)
During the bit of the medley dedicated to a Beach Boys song, I take this opportunity to educate my students about my favorite hobby, surfing. I lie on my belly and show them how to paddle then pop up. We repeat this several times, which adds significantly to the numbers of criers who are now huddled around the Taiwanese staff because they were kicked in the face or hit by a flailing arm. The voice of my manager floats into my head, “Cami, you've got to learn to calm your class down- I know they're having fun but when they have fun people get hurt.” I try to decide whether to ignore his voice or to heed it. I ignore it. The mayhem continues. I am sweating like a pig.
The song ends. It is now 9:10. My body temperature is soaring. I'm tempted to rip my shirt off to air out. Though I have many obvious personality flaws that should disqualify me from teaching, Brandi Chastain style stripping at moments of triumph isn't one of them. The shirt stays on though I'm sweltering.
I begin to speak in a soothing, albeit loud voice. The children begin to quiet down, and I can see them trying to decipher what I'm going on about. I make the international sign for “sit your asses down and be quiet” which consists of repeatedly raising and lowering my arms, palms down, accompanied by a look of desperate consternation. The children sit down- they are amazingly quick, and if there's one benefit to being the 'fun teacher' it's that the students love to please me and be praised by me. I point out some of the students who are doing as I ask.
“Oh look at Judy, see how she's sitting so quietly and so nicely?” I say to the group. Judy lurches up and launches herself into my arms like a miniature canon-ball. She nods at the group solemnly. I bounce her a few times then set her carefully down. I sit myself and continue to speak soothingly.
“Now, seat yourself in full-lotus or half-lotus position, whichever is most comfortable to you.” I say, assuming full-lotus and setting my hands upon my knees, “Now close your eyes.”
The kids know what is coming and are already giggling drunkenly.
“Oooooooooooohmmmmmmmmmmmmm,” they chant, “Ooooooooooooohmmmmmmm.”
And this may be the only moment of peace they have until they fall limply exhausted onto their pillows at nap time.
I open my eyes and look from face to face. Some of the children are already opening their eyes and giggling at me. God I love these kids.
“Now point at your crazy little heads,” I say, pointing at my own, “and say, 'I am ready to learn today.'”
The children say it then collapse into giggles. Finally they line up and are dismissed.
It's 9:15 and I already feel like I'm about to pass out from exhaustion. I do it to myself.
I face my little monkey class, who, with the help of Emily the super-teacher, are lined up.
“Attention!” I shout.
“ONE TWO,”
“Attention!”
“ONE TWO!”
“Hands behind your-”
“BACKS!” they shout, hands neatly folded behind their back.
“Alan, are you number one?” I ask.
Alan nods proudly.
“What do you want to be?” I ask him.
“A frog!” he shouts.
“Let's be frogs!” I say.
My class leaps and ribbits all the way to the classroom.

Sharing Time

The students shuffle into the classroom- there is a flurry of activity. In theory, Exercise Time flows gracefully into Sharing Time, which launches cheerfully into Breakfast Time which leaps happily into English Time. We have only 15 minutes in which to have Sharing Time, but unfortunately students also must use this time to do a multitude of other activities.
First, there are a great many students who are sweaty after exercise time and they must change their shirts. I don't recall ever having done this in school when I was a child. Perhaps I did. All I know is, in Taiwan, if a kid gets sweaty (which they often do in the humidity and heat) that shirt is getting changed. I once changed one child 4 times in one day.
So there are at least 10 children getting their shirts changed, with varying degrees of independence. This means more work for my long-suffering Taiwanese co-teacher. Again, she's a saint and a savior all rolled in to one.
Also, the sweaty kids need their hair dried. This is another thing I never remember doing in America, but in Taiwan, every classroom is equipped with a hair-dryer, and every sweaty little head gets dried. It makes for interesting voice-inflection when teaching:
“Good Morning Monkey Class! Let's (blow dryer goes on) TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER TODAY! WHO WANTS TO GO (blow dryer off) to the window and tell us what the (blow dryer on) WEATHER LOOKS LIKE?!?”
There is also the on-going activity of water/tea drinking, nose wiping, back pack unloading and bathroom-going. Occasionally, there's some vomit, urine or blood.

Sharing time is a time when you talk about the weather, the date and days of the week and months of the year, greetings, and every month there's a new 'conversation' to learn. I often skipped the conversation (bad teacher!) because I thought they were lame. Also Hess had prescribed songs to go with different activities, but often I didn't like their songs and rather than fiddling with a cd player I'd just have them sing songs that I remembered from my childhood.
For the most part I tried to stick to the Hess curriculum but sharing time is the time where I would cheat a little. Instead of doing the prescribed conversation from the teachers guide, I would let students have 'free talk'. I feel that this is an area sadly lacking in Hess curriculum. I think students need time to try to talk and find their words and express themselves in English- in a natural and original way. I can see why Hess doesn't leave more time for this- It is easy for things to get off topic and out of control. But I really felt it was worthwhile. I saw myself as hopefully combating a wide-spread problem I'd witnessed in Taiwan- Students with a very strong grasp of grammar, reading, and writing, but very poor speaking skills. Even worse- students who can parrot anything you say, but can't come up with an original sentence to save their damn lives.
“Free-talk” went kind of like this. I would pick a student who was sitting nicely and invite him or her to come up to the front of the room. Usually they opted to sit on my lap. Then I would ask them a series of questions- Some Hess curriculum questions and then some non-Hess curriculum questions that would require that they put together their English knowledge and try to figure out what I was getting at.
“Hi Harrison,” I'd say, usually disguising my voice to make it interesting, “How do you feel?” (Hess question)
“I feel happy,” says Harrison. Then Harrison would sit completely still, waiting. He knew what was coming.
I'd bounce him like crazy on my knees while tickling him and repeat, “Oh, you feel happy, that's so great!” in my best sort of Oscar the Grouch voice.
Then, “Harrison, what day is today?” (Hess question)
“Today is Monday,”
Bounce bounce bounce. All of the other students would be laughing like crazy.
Then, “Harrison, what did you do yesterday?” (non-Hess question)
Harrison might have to sit and think about this for a moment. Maybe the other students would start calling things out. Or I would whisper in their ears “Did you see Mommy and Daddy?”
“Yes I see Mommy and Daddy,”
I would whisper, “You saw Mommy and Daddy?”
and he'd say, “Yes, I saw Mommy and Daddy.”
Then bounces and tickles. I'd say that the rest of the kids were about 80% tuned in- for some reason they loved to see their classmates get bounced and tickled like crazy. And I'd like to think that they were absorbing some of the nuances of natural speech. Some kids were more creative- they didn't just do yes or no answers. I had one little guy called Austin who was fond of acting out large portions of his favorite TV show- or was it a video game? I never really was sure. But the great thing was that he would fill in the bits he could say in English and then the rest was wild gestures and sound effects. For example: “There big dog!!!! Big big big big dog!!” To which I or the students could ask "What color was it?" or "Was it a mean dog or a nice dog?" (being sure to convey with my body language and facial expression what mean and nice mean) then Austin would go into a series of sounds (a jet? a big truck? birds?)
I'd make guesses and encourage the children to guess what he was saying (which they'd often try to do in Chinese and I'd encourage them to try in English). Was it irresponsible for me to do this rather than the prescribed Hess conversations? Maybe, but I don't really regret it. Those were some good times and I think it contributed to my students vocabulary and their sense of natural speech. Usually we could go through 3 or 4 kids before the class's attention would begin to wander off. Of course all of the students wanted to be the one to answer questions and we didn't have time for all of them. Sometimes if a student was really upset he didn't get a turn, I'd write his name on the board and promise his turn would be the next day.
There were a bunch of other activities I would do during sharing time. I really wish I'd introduced some type of 'show and tell' but I think it might have been tough to introduce that with out raising the suspicions of Hess management. Lessons were laid out in the teachers guide by 5 minute increments. At first I thought this was more of a guideline than a literal thing- but then I had my 1 month evaluation and really followed the lesson plan except I didn't play one of the sharing time songs - and got docked points on my evaluation because of it. So any of my own ideas had to be done under the radar.